I always used to pause when
filling in job applications at that bit that asks if you have any disabilitys
that affect daily life.
Do I? I'd wander - some days, but
others not. Is it really suvear enough, what if I'm just making it up. Will
they look at my cv see I went to uni and think I'm therefore exaggerating
or making it up. Will they think it just means I can't spell?
I'm never going
to hesitate again. Not since becoming a parent.
I didn't read many parenting
books but of the bits I did read none of them mentioned any particular
difficulties you might experience as a dyslexic parent and there's not a lot of
stuff out there on dyslexia websites either, though when I posted a question in
a forum it seems I am far from alone in my particular struggles.
Through life I have managed to
develop coping mechanisms, these are utterly inadequate for
organising 2 lives. I forget stuff and people say 'don't worry its just baby
brain' I think 'you have no idea'. Before my daughter was born getting out the
house having remembered my phone, keys, wallet, diary and bus pass without
leaving windows open and the door unlocked was a major achievement as was
getting through a week without forgetting something in the oven.
Organising 2 lives is nigh
impossible. I'm not sure I've once left the house without forgetting something.
I'm finding it incredibly stressful. But we get through somehow and
are very good at learning to improvise when we forget clean nappies, spare
clothes, a drink etc. She hardly notices now (though I try to hide it from
other parents cause I feel so incompetent) but I'm
getting nervous about getting to school in a few years time without
something significant.
Then people say have you thought
about schools? And I think in my head - yes I have little panic attacks about
it every time anyone mentions it. Then I have to remind myself that she's not
me, she might love primary school, she might be able to spell. Then I feel a
bit sad cause secretly I kind of hope she is because on good day's I'm chuffed
to bits I'm dyslexic. Then I think actually I really don't want her to go
through what I did. Then I worry cause she's 21 months and still can't walk and
only just to crawl.
So at the moment I am deffinately
dyslexic and it deffinately affects my day to day life - and my daughters.
Which lead me to do a bit of reading up and I have
become absolutely appalled at reading that girls are just as likely
to be dyslexic but 3 times less likely to receive support.
I experientially know why this
is. My mum was constantly told not to worry cause I was behaving
well. The way we gender our children is clearly going to mean girls who
are struggling at school won't have the same assertiveness and are
likely to be overlooked because they are being 'well behaved' while boys who've
had 'naughty' and 'trouble' written across them since they where born and who
have been trained to have no weaknesses are going to kick up and 'behave badly'
and are more likely to get help.
I imagine also that girls will
have extra incentive to keep quiet and head down because they will get
extra told off about messy writing and not being tidy.
I cannot explain how angry
I am about this.
