For New Year I resolved to be more assertive. It was going well, till recently, and now I'm thinking maybe I've just been avoiding confrontation, maybe I'm not sure.
Many people who know me will probably be thinking that the last thing I lack is assertiveness. But the thing I find is that its very easy to be assertive when you feel confident its when you need it most when you feel unsure of yourself that it runs away and hides in a small corner of your personality and refuses to come out.
Today I started trying to develop resources about saying yes and no. Yesterday I think I failed quiet miserably to be assertive. So next time I deliver a session on how to say No, I'll feel like even more of a fraud.
I think I failed I'm not quiet sure. I know I don't feel assertive I feel whiny, put out, undervalued sat on and naffed off. I guess you don't have to feel assertive to be assertive but I imagine it helps.
I was wondering the other day why we all struggle so much with saying no as it must constitute up to 60% of what we hear the first few years of our lives!
Anyway this whole experience of attempting to be more assertive and coming into situations where people make that really difficult lead me to wonder if I do the same, do I make it hard for people to be assertive? Because as well as being collectively not very good at saying no, we are also not very good at hearing it. And as a women I have the eternal fear of being accused of being aggressive or nagging because often that's what people hear it as, or they don't hear you at all unless you actually are being aggressive or nagging.
It just always seems such an uphill struggle - an endless battle, and just seems, easier safer and a lot less work to retire into a 'thats ok' shrug and smile. But its not ok. Tired.
Any formulas for staying assertive?
Many people who know me will probably be thinking that the last thing I lack is assertiveness. But the thing I find is that its very easy to be assertive when you feel confident its when you need it most when you feel unsure of yourself that it runs away and hides in a small corner of your personality and refuses to come out.
Today I started trying to develop resources about saying yes and no. Yesterday I think I failed quiet miserably to be assertive. So next time I deliver a session on how to say No, I'll feel like even more of a fraud.
I think I failed I'm not quiet sure. I know I don't feel assertive I feel whiny, put out, undervalued sat on and naffed off. I guess you don't have to feel assertive to be assertive but I imagine it helps.
I was wondering the other day why we all struggle so much with saying no as it must constitute up to 60% of what we hear the first few years of our lives!
Anyway this whole experience of attempting to be more assertive and coming into situations where people make that really difficult lead me to wonder if I do the same, do I make it hard for people to be assertive? Because as well as being collectively not very good at saying no, we are also not very good at hearing it. And as a women I have the eternal fear of being accused of being aggressive or nagging because often that's what people hear it as, or they don't hear you at all unless you actually are being aggressive or nagging.
It just always seems such an uphill struggle - an endless battle, and just seems, easier safer and a lot less work to retire into a 'thats ok' shrug and smile. But its not ok. Tired.
Any formulas for staying assertive?
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