My daughter (2&1/2) announced yesterday that she was a princess. This was inevitable, but I had not thought it would come so soon. I informed her that she was not and reminded her of her name. She then started singing the wheels on the bus, life moves on fast at 2. But it did make me think I need to pre think some strategies for tackling this one as it continually raises its head over the next few years.
The timing of this comment was interesting since there is also another child born recently who will not be a princess but will most probably, though finally getting a republic is always a possibility, become a prince. I have to say that along with Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett I also feel a slight sense of relief that the royal baby is male and will not have to suffer being a princess.
Anyway in search of advice I went to twitter, and while I received some excellent suggestions much was about how to re-define or reshape what a princess is. I'm not sure I want to. I think I'd rather make being a princess an unattractive option. Also I don't want to lie to my daughter. I am not royal so she will never be a princess. I could say that princess can run around, climb trees, wear trousers, but they can't. Kate cannot wear what she wants, say what she wants, eat what she wants, yesterdays revolting issue of OK proves that.
Also there is the danger of simply replacing one stereotype with another. I don't know if my daughter will enjoy climbing trees yet and I don't want her confronted with the options of pink princess or 'tom boy' princess. I'd rather she could just be her in any combination of interests and abilities she enjoys.
It is not just the gender stereotyping of princess that I find so difficult but also the inherent hierarchy we cannot all be princess. As much as I love Brave and watch it with my little one repeatedly I'd much rather it ended with the king abdicating and setting up a democratic co-operative community.
There is too much, competition, I'm the best, look at me, in children's media and for girls princess seems to be the ultimate expression of that. Princess also teaches our daughters to place the highest value in their appearance to the exclusion of other attributes. And not their appearance for their own enjoyment creativity or self expression, their appearance as measured by how sexually attractive they are to adult men. Which is why I would rather expose princess for what they really are (slowly and in an age appropriate way) than redefine princess as something a little more diverse.
It's going to be hard work.
I think this post quite possibly sucks the life out of something I've enjoyed with my daughter. She's just turned 3 and is a mixture of hair clips and dresses, and bashing things and getting grubby. Just as it should be.
ReplyDeleteI call her my princess along wth squidge, clever, brave, grubby monster, cheeky monkey etc... I'm not royal, I've 300+ years of largely illiterate peasant DNA in my bloodline but she's my princess. I'm happy with God as my King, but am completely ambivalent to a monarchy or republic.
What the word does convey to me (and I hope my daughter) is not any of the attachments to the word that you see (that our daughters do not) but simply that my daughter is special, important, VIP etc etc...
All the other lessons will be taught in various ways, I hope. But I feel sad that a term of endearment has been burdened by all that stuff. So is it really wrong for a father to call his daughter 'his princess'?