There are a number of words and phrases I've been thinking about recently that I don't like so I thought I'd make a record of them here. I would love this to be a growing list and to hear from you about the words and phrases you don't like.
Vulnerable: I always squirm a little bit inside when I hear people described as vulnerable. I've not been able to put my finger on it till recently, but my question is would it in many cases be more accurate to describe 'vulnerable' people as oppressed. Rather than focusing on the abilities and resources of an individual why not focus and name the forces, structures and individuals that cause the situation.
Sex Work: I was just listening to some Christian talks which twice used the term 'sex work'. AHHHHH! I'm sure this was done out of ignorance and not because these people understand the political statement they are making when they use this phrase. Please don't do these oppressed, violated and abused women the massive disservice by calling what they endure work. Equally don't call them prostitutes and blame them I know its longer but women exploited in prostitution, is little effort for you and an enormous validation of their experience.
Political correctness: The only people who ever use this phrase then say something negative. It is an attempt to reword the movement and language of equality to make it something negative. I heard someone on the radio the other day asking if political correctness had gone to far. Well if its gone too far then it was heading in the wrong direction. Anyway no one ever offers a definition of what PC means. Its this nebulous thing that is used to silence just about everything.
'As women we're told we can have it all and we can't': or words to that effect. Why not? Men have, for years been able to have carriers and be fathers, no one ever says they can't or writes countless articles about men who have got exhausted by trying to balance family life and work. Now if they're saying that people can't have everything they want then of course that's true, we all have to make sacrifices and lay down our lives for the sake of others and caring responsibilities put some fairly immediate pressure on us.
'Do you wear the trousers?': Evidently yes, you can see I am (well obviously you as readers can't but the people asking this question can) and that's my husband over there and as you can see he is also wearing trousers. Jesus didn't though he wore long floaty robes and open toed sandals.
What are the words or phrases that irritate you and why?
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Porn 2: Why men should be mad
So I wanted to call this post Feminists: a man's best friend, but someone pointed out to me that it could well be read to infer women are dog's which wouldn't be great!. But I just wanted to share with you a couple of things that were said at this amazing conference I was at that have got me thinking.
"Men, feminists are your best friends. We're the ones who don't think your born rapists, we're the ones who don't think you're born murderers. We're the ones who think your fully human."
I know a lot of men who don't feel like this, they feel that feminists hate them, are man eaters, want to castrate them and lock them up. Feminism is a broad group but from my experience this could not be further from the truth, we are talking about a group of people actively opposing violence and de-humanisation it would be a little hypocritical to want to do that to men. The problem lies I think in the fact that mostly there is little conversation between men in general and feminist discourse and what does happen is mediated by the press so that what people fear when they hear 'feminist' (and I have huge numbers of female friends who run from that label) is not feminism but a phantom created by the powers that be because actually they don't want men to realise what feminism is actually saying.
Why? because Patriarchy though it privileges all men all of the time it benefits some men some of the time and harms most men most of the time. Patriarchy is just hierarchy where only men get to be at the top, and only one type of man at that.
The second thing that was said that I wanted to share was this:
"Feminists are the ones who don't think your a life support machine for your penis"
That's what the porn industry thinks of you, it thinks you are a life support machine for your penis and your wallet, and it capitalises on that dark side of all of us that is capable and able to oppress.
It's time to get mad at how the porn industry manipulates and de-humanises you whatever your gender. This is the other thing you should know feminists don't want men to feel rubbish about being a man, we want you to feel good about it, we want you to get mad with us, mad at the dehumanising forces that squeeze us all into little boxes, so that, in our current context, they can squeeze money out of us.
Men if your mad here's a couple of place you can go: http://www.antipornmen.org/
http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/
"Men, feminists are your best friends. We're the ones who don't think your born rapists, we're the ones who don't think you're born murderers. We're the ones who think your fully human."
I know a lot of men who don't feel like this, they feel that feminists hate them, are man eaters, want to castrate them and lock them up. Feminism is a broad group but from my experience this could not be further from the truth, we are talking about a group of people actively opposing violence and de-humanisation it would be a little hypocritical to want to do that to men. The problem lies I think in the fact that mostly there is little conversation between men in general and feminist discourse and what does happen is mediated by the press so that what people fear when they hear 'feminist' (and I have huge numbers of female friends who run from that label) is not feminism but a phantom created by the powers that be because actually they don't want men to realise what feminism is actually saying.
Why? because Patriarchy though it privileges all men all of the time it benefits some men some of the time and harms most men most of the time. Patriarchy is just hierarchy where only men get to be at the top, and only one type of man at that.
The second thing that was said that I wanted to share was this:
"Feminists are the ones who don't think your a life support machine for your penis"
That's what the porn industry thinks of you, it thinks you are a life support machine for your penis and your wallet, and it capitalises on that dark side of all of us that is capable and able to oppress.
It's time to get mad at how the porn industry manipulates and de-humanises you whatever your gender. This is the other thing you should know feminists don't want men to feel rubbish about being a man, we want you to feel good about it, we want you to get mad with us, mad at the dehumanising forces that squeeze us all into little boxes, so that, in our current context, they can squeeze money out of us.
Men if your mad here's a couple of place you can go: http://www.antipornmen.org/
http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/
Thursday, 22 March 2012
A Mothers Love
So Wilma is among my hero's. I asked her recently if she would write a guest blog. She very kindly obliged.
It has been a wonderful year having Carly back home and better in health , but 1 out of ten years is only the start of our 'NEW BEGINNING'
My name is Wilma , I am 51 years old. I never got to higher
education, to sit degrees, I am the average 5 o' levels with c passes and
plenty of training in the jobs that I have had in the past. I have worked in
offices (many years ago) , I have been a shop assistant. I have have modules in
N.V.Q 1,2,3. in care, I have worked as chalet maid in hotels, done voluntary
work in two day centres for the elderly and still I have not listed all
the work I have done..... But nothing could have equiped me for the
job I have had in the past 10 years..... So be kind and let me try
to tell you all about being a Carer for my daughter who has
a Mental Illness Diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia.
It all started ten years ago when my daughter Carly and I were
walking in Highbury Grange on a sunny day, my day off from work as I
had to work saturdays then, we both did. "Something is wrong mum "
said Carly. A feeling of shock went through me, coming from a teenager of
19 nearly 20 years of age, well you can guess what I thought. Carly continued,
"My head mum, something is happening inside my head, it
is making me so scared. I have been to the doctor and made an
appointment to speak to a Psychologist and been given medicine to take."
That's when my whole life started to crumble apart slowly as the weeks went by watching my girl struggle to cope with Mental Illness. Carly tried so hard, going to college one day a week and working the other 5 days in a Hairdressing Salon. Completing and passing her NVQ in Hairdressing was a huge achievement considering how ill she really was. It was also the time when her illness was becoming so severe, several months later I got a phone call from Carly's boss, to come and take her home, she was in floods of tears and couldn't go on any more at work.
Many diagnosis's later, and many years of visiting my daughter in Mental Health Hospitals and a Women's Prison my daughter was put on the right medication for her Paranoid Schizophrenia. Court case after court case, tribunal after tribunal I finally have my daughter at home again and slowly getting back a daughter, someone I used to know. Thanks to the right medication and love and support. Many friends disappeared from our lives completely and family too busy with their own lives, is often a common story that you will hear from Carers of loved ones who have Mentall Illness. They are made feel unworthy of a pittance of an allowance from the government , Mr Cameron himself stated in one of the news papers Carers were" ponces ", when infact it is him keeping Carers on the breadline (while they save the government millions) and allocates Carers a 55:55 pounds for a 38 hour week, allowance, that works out to be worth 20:00 quid a week more than being unemployed.
That's when my whole life started to crumble apart slowly as the weeks went by watching my girl struggle to cope with Mental Illness. Carly tried so hard, going to college one day a week and working the other 5 days in a Hairdressing Salon. Completing and passing her NVQ in Hairdressing was a huge achievement considering how ill she really was. It was also the time when her illness was becoming so severe, several months later I got a phone call from Carly's boss, to come and take her home, she was in floods of tears and couldn't go on any more at work.
Many diagnosis's later, and many years of visiting my daughter in Mental Health Hospitals and a Women's Prison my daughter was put on the right medication for her Paranoid Schizophrenia. Court case after court case, tribunal after tribunal I finally have my daughter at home again and slowly getting back a daughter, someone I used to know. Thanks to the right medication and love and support. Many friends disappeared from our lives completely and family too busy with their own lives, is often a common story that you will hear from Carers of loved ones who have Mentall Illness. They are made feel unworthy of a pittance of an allowance from the government , Mr Cameron himself stated in one of the news papers Carers were" ponces ", when infact it is him keeping Carers on the breadline (while they save the government millions) and allocates Carers a 55:55 pounds for a 38 hour week, allowance, that works out to be worth 20:00 quid a week more than being unemployed.
Drawing nearer to my God in praying with New River Baptist
Church through every situation, handing it back into God's hands to deal
with and finding comfort in the Word, while reading passages in the
bible has kept me strong, to keep going until my daughter got
released from hospital.
It has been a wonderful year having Carly back home and better in health , but 1 out of ten years is only the start of our 'NEW BEGINNING'
by Wilma x
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