Unsistered

Anyone who has tried to occupy the space of being both Christian and feminist knows how uncomfortable and painful it can be. Being in spaces where you want to belong, where you should feel solidarity and instead feeling in limbo, unable to bring your full identity into those spaces. 


Hearing the word "christian" or the word "feminist" spat out with venom and almost always connected to words such as "right wing" or "radical" (quite why christians should be using the word radical as a swear word is beyond me!) is isolating. I am sure it is not only christian feminists who have these experiences. I am sure many feminists are made to feel excluded in places where they should be welcomed.


I have listened and re-listend to this a talk entitled “Theapalooza: The Rhetorical Turn in the Third Wave of Biblical Feminism” Presented by Dr. Alena Amato Ruggerio (http://www.eewc.com/audio/) because I think it contains much powerful wisdom about how we can use rhetoric to bring great understanding and freedom to ourselves and the church as a whole. In this talk she says 

"It is a feminist act to create new symbols to correspond to feminist references." 

She then explores how as christian feminists we could first identify our common experiences or references and give them symbols (that is words). She describes doing this with her students in a secular context and they developed a word which I love: "femafision" which they defined as the experience of patriarchy pitting women against each other.


So I decided that I wanted to name what I believe is a common experience for christian feminists that is the experience of being disallowed through attitudes and prejudice to exist as both christian and feminist and I want to name this as being "unsistered".


I am unsistered when my church family feel the need to dissociate themselves from the women's movement when discussing women's equality. I am unsistered when preachers use phrases such as 'unlike radical feminism...' I am unsistered when people don't ask me about work because they are nervous of my politics; I am unsistered when there is a refusal to confront patriarchy and male privilege. I am unsistered when feminist medium only ever uses the word "christian" with the phrase "right wing" or "religious fundamentalists", I am unsistered when there is language that presumes the non-existence of God, I am unsistered when people of faith are assumed to be oppressed and unenlightened. 


Please don't unsister me.

Ladies (yuk, cringe)

I can't believe I forgot this one on my post about words I don't like maybe because I get told I'm ridiculous every time I gently question its usage. I got an email today informing me that an event I was enquiring about was for ladies only. I cringed. 


So I'm really sorry if this offends anyone (actually I know it will so I want you to know that I do this because I believe it brings greater liberation to women - and transformation is painful) but I have to spell some things out because I am offended by the word Ladies and so are many other's and if the church wants to be an inclusive and welcoming place it needs to drop this language. 


I have no empirical data for this but I feel that there is sometimes an extra over-usage of this word in Christian literature/ events that are about women's equal ability to lead in church. I wonder if its one of the manifestations of our insecurities? We have to continually refer to ourselves as ladies just to make sure everyone's clear that we're still all floral and feminine as we step up into the full humanity Christ offers us. 


I'm assuming this use of the word Ladies is in ignorance of it's history and the passionate advocacy of that great Christian Feminists like Josephine Butler who fought to expose double standards in morality. 


So a brief summary of why we shouldn't use it:


1.) It's used to police women's behaviours
If your a woman can you remember being told to be ladylike when you where little? Or told not to do something because it wasn't ladylike? I think I've proved my point.


2.) It's used to remind women they are the property of men. 


3.) It is something other people assign to you and can strip from you. It is not about your own sense of personhood. This point was most powerfully driven home to me when I was at a women's group and heard a woman respond with much pain at being called a lady. She had clearly been told by others that she had not met the mark and was not a lady.


4.) I guess linked to the above but it's classist. 


5.) It is and has been used to divide women against each other


6.) Much like princess, ladies don't do anything.


7.) It holds us to a demanding moral code not the freedom of grace


8.) God never calls us lady


Someone sent me the link it's fab (http://www.vfa.us/Feminist%20Language.htm) but my two favourite quotes:


"Girls do what their mothers tell them. Ladies do what society tells them. Women make up their own minds" (Karen Kijewski, 1989).


And most importantly for the church:


"There is a difference between women and ladies. The modern parasites made ladies, but God Almighty made women" (Mother Jones, 1912)


Please do not refer to me as a lady.

Words I don't like

There are a number of words and phrases I've been thinking about recently that I don't like so I thought I'd make a record of them here. I would love this to be a growing list and to hear from you about the words and phrases you don't like.

Vulnerable: I always squirm a little bit inside when I hear people described as vulnerable. I've not been able to put my finger on it till recently, but my question is would it in many cases be more accurate to describe 'vulnerable' people as oppressed. Rather than focusing on the abilities and resources of an individual why not focus and name the forces, structures and individuals that cause the situation.

Sex Work: I was just listening to some Christian talks which twice used the term 'sex work'. AHHHHH! I'm sure this was done out of ignorance and not because these people understand the political statement they are making when they use this phrase. Please don't do these oppressed, violated and abused women the massive disservice by calling what they endure work. Equally don't call them prostitutes and blame them I know its longer but women exploited in prostitution, is little effort for you and an enormous validation of their experience.

Political correctness: The only people who ever use this phrase then say something negative. It is an attempt to reword the movement and language of equality to make it something negative. I heard someone on the radio the other day asking if political correctness had gone to far. Well if its gone too far then it was heading in the wrong direction. Anyway no one ever offers a definition of what PC means. Its this nebulous thing that is used to silence just about everything.

'As women we're told we can have it all and we can't': or words to that effect. Why not? Men have, for years been able to have carriers and be fathers, no one ever says they can't or writes countless articles about men who have got exhausted by trying to balance family life and work. Now if they're saying that people can't have everything they want then of course that's true, we all have to make sacrifices and lay down our lives for the sake of others and caring responsibilities put some fairly immediate pressure on us.

'Do you wear the trousers?': Evidently yes, you can see I am (well obviously you as readers can't but the people asking this question can) and that's my husband over there and as you can see he is also wearing trousers. Jesus didn't though he wore long floaty robes and open toed sandals.

What are the words or phrases that irritate you and why?